Willie The Wise: Moustaches & Motherhood | Schaal Road Studio

TASH

Dear Willie,

I would like to grow a moustache but my wife is worried that it will tickle her when we kiss.? I am also concerned that it may be itchy while growing.? I note that you have a fine growth on your upper lip and wonder if you could give some advice about dealing with these concerns?

Horace, Bakersville

Dear Horace,

I love a nice easy wee question at the beginning of a new column to get me warmed up.? Dealing with this one is simplicity itself; merely have a moustache tattooed onto your lip and you will overcome all the problems you mention.

Willie

SILLY

Dear Willie,

What is the connection between John Steed in The Avengers, Jean Luc Picard in Star Trek TNG and No 6 in The Prisoner?

Jilly, HK

Dear Jilly,

This is no? Trivial Pursuits, woman, so please stop asking silly questions.? The answer is that all were played by actors with the first name of Patrick.

Willie

BUSY

Dear Willie,

I have a small problem I hope you will be able to assist me with.? My husband is a very busy man.? He leaves home very morning at eight, to start work at nine.? He finishes at five and is home by six.? He likes his dinner early as he usually has a busy evening schedule.? On Mondays he likes to visit his widowed mother, of whom he is very fond.? On Tuesday evenings he has chiropody classes as he likes feet.? On Wednesdays he takes his mistress, Geraldine, for dinner and usually spends the night with her.? On Thursdays he has his UFO club.? On Fridays he likes to go out for a drink with work colleagues.? On Saturday he plays golf with friends before socialising with them, and repeats the process on Sundays, only with fishing.?? My question is, what should our four children and I buy our beloved father and husband for his fortieth birthday?

Cecily, Maine

Dear Cecily,

It certainly sounds like your husband is a busy man.? I think he would enjoy a rest and this is what I suggest you give him.? Eternal rest.

Willie

MOTHERHOOD

Dear Willie,

I am 23 years old and have been married for two years.? My husband thinks it?s time we started a family, but I don?t think I?m ready for motherhood yet as I have a hectic social life and am a member of a book club.? What do you think is the correct age for a woman to become a mother for the first time?

Lily, Halifax

Dear Lily,

By the time I was your age I was the father of a nation which wasn?t bad going for a man with a limp and before the introduction of IVF.? If you?re not ready to be a mother because you?re in the middle of a Dan Brown your husband should just accept it.? And remember, the best method of contraception is emigration, specifically to separate countries.

Willie

Source: http://www.schaalroadstudio.com/2011/home-family/09/willie-the-wise-moustaches-motherhood

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